Zosimos Q. Cosmos

Zosimos Q. Cosmos (The Host) is the creator of the Teach You The Keys (Series).

His birthdate is shown on his Facebook accountas May 12th, 1989, though this is likely to be fictitious.

He started the fabled Teach You The Keys web series in 2007 on Youtube after leaving the care of his Grandfather. The Host called the series Teach You The Keys from an ad-lib line said during the first video he shot, "How To Play Basketball".

Zosimos has a father (Randall Cosmos ) and mother (Jolene Cosmos ). His grandfather is Zeus Cosmos. He currently works at Gold Industries as a shipping packer, after David Gold was turned again to the side of good. His friend, Joseph Packard, still does not approve of this decision and believes that Gold is still not one to be trusted. As such, their friendship has been somewhat unstable since, but both have mended ways in the recent past.

Currently, Zosimos films short videos to inform others what he's been up to. They are usually linked with his father, Randall Cosmos. He is also employed at Gold Industries, acting as a packer/shipper of sex toys.

Teach You The Keys Web Series (2007-2008)
Each of the short films are on average one to two minutes in length, and shows The Host attempting to explain a facet of life and how to be the best at it. The Host usually gets hurt in some form or fashion and ends the short by addressing the camera with, "shut the camera off". His films all cut off abruptly.

Teach You The Keys: Gold Locket
In 2008, the feud of Randall and Gold came to a boiling point when David Gold became so angry he went into madness and sought out any of the Cosmos family for revenge. Finding Zosimos online because of the original series of Teach You The Keys, and fooling him by creating a fake show mocking him, David Gold used former employees of Gold Industries to try and kill Zosimos and use the x virus he developed to try and take over the entire world. Ultimately stopped by Zosimos, David Gold was presumed dead at the end of the debacle- with Zosimos getting off in self defense. (See:Gold Locket)

Teach You The Keys: Double Vision


Following the events of Gold Locket, Zosimos took a year off. In 2010, he was confronted with the opportunity to work for the government in fictional special ops group named the Soothsayers- which was actually an elaborate plan by Monster X and David Gold to get revenge on the Host. The area in which Zosimos was lured into was none other than the Unknown Forest outside of Gold Industries- a strange land mass which is lined with the time-altering mineral Crasyte. While lost in the Unknown Forest, he discovered another who had gotten lost named Joseph Packard who had went there in the 80's to find the Crasyte from the actual government. Teaming up, Joseph constructed a time machine/transporter to get the both of them out of the forest by use of the Crasyte mineral. David Gold came back through the transporter they had built near the end of the debacle and once again was defeated- this time by Packard, who had saved the Host from Gold. Gold was sent to federal prison and the government mined all time-altering crasyte from the foundations of Gold Industries and seized it into government custody.

(See: Double Vision)

The Enlightenment of David Gold and Zosimos' Past (2012-Present)
In 2012 Zosimos confronted David Gold about the issues they had had. Simply stating through song (?) that they needed to be friends and that things were getting out of hand. Almost all involved in the debacle made an appearance (somehow) and agreed with what Zosimos was trying do. David Gold agreed to end the feud.

The reason for the animosity was revealed- that Zosimos' father, Randall Cosmos, was a co-founder of Gold Industries in the early 1990's and had borrowed an abnormal amount of money to invest in arcade machines- seeing them as a get rich quick scheme. When Randall lost all of the funds taken (due to poor choices on machines and location as well as the decline of arcades) he went into hiding to avoid the confrontation of Gold. Fearing Gold, Randall had his wife Jolene Cosmos stay in Alaska and had their son, Zosimos, stay with Randall's grandparents. Because of the lack of funds (and lack of employees) Gold Industries declined and went bankrupt in 2005.

Ruminating on the closure of his business due to Randall Cosmos, David Gold sought revenge. He had heard rumors of Randall's son, Zosimos, being around the area filming a web series. Seeing this as his chance to strike, Gold devoted the rest of his equipment designed for making sexual novelties into weapons and even chemical agents.

After trying to stop Zosimos numerous times and failing, the request of the Zosimos to end the fighting appeared as a release. Randall Cosmos had been making youtube videos and made money off of singing original songs (Randall Sings) and allowed him to make up for lost funds- which were in turn given back to Gold- and allowed both to again start up Gold Industries, using Zosimos as an employee.

It is unknown why Jolene Cosmos stayed in Alaska after the feud ended.

Combat and Attire
The Host is surprisingly agile even though he is very un-coordinated. His combat skills are also oddly good, though The Host usually tries to get out of any confrontation he is put up against. It is said that he learned self defense while in the care of his Grandpappy at a young age- and that fighting is somehow in his genes.



When running is out of the question, he is not afraid to turn and face the issue. He prefers hand-to-hand combat, but he is an alright shot with his favorite six-shooter, which he calls the "Reckoner". The Host picked the gun off of David Gold during a confrontation. He has also used swords.

The Host is never seen without his famous thick black glasses. Many who know The Host say that when he was born, they were immediately put on him after birth. He wears shorts and jeans that are belly-high. His hair is always parted to the right.

After much prodding, it has been revealed that the maker of the Host's glasses are "Glendale Safety Tools". His glasses simply say "GO" on both lenses and on the inside of the left eye on the frame. They are size 6.